The Right Mindset to Combat a Lack of Self Confidence

There are many reasons why a person can struggle with a lack of self confidence. Oftentimes, it’s easier to detect the symptoms rather than the cause, as the behavior of a person who has problems with self confidence can get on other people’s nerves and make him stand out. For example, the individual in question may constantly be asking paranoid questions, or be in constant need of others’ approval.

Perhaps this external visibility is what pushes many people to try to deal with their self confidence issues with external means, too. Is this not one reason why many parents force their kids to get out and mingle with other kids in extracurricular activities? Sure, they may simply want a well-rounded kid, but chances are, these kids may sometimes have shyness issues that parents think can be solved by getting them involved with other children.

But do you know that external answers can never fix something that is happening deep inside? If you struggle with a lack of confidence within yourself, trying to deal with fixing your behavior does not deal with the root of the problem. As the saying goes, you can pretend to affix fake fruit to a tree, but it will never be real. Instead, the change should come from inside out.

So how should one deal with a problem of lack of self confidence? Having the right mindset is the key component. As famous philosophers say, “as you believe, so you are”. In this case, the problem with self confidence stems largely from the way you view yourself and usually a very faulty way of viewing yourself. The following questions should get you started in identifying misconceptions of the way you might view yourself, with the corresponding solutions:

1.Do you think your value depends on your achievements or performance?

This kind of mindset is a real killer, as there will always be something you cannot achieve or perform well in. As such, basing your identity on these flimsy criteria will really give you a shaky thing to base your confidence in. Instead, learn to understand that you are precious as you are, and not for what you do.

2. Do you think your worth depends on how other people treat you?

This is a common way on how people learn to view themselves: when people like them, they are loved; when people speak ill of them, they are devastated. This is why many children grow up with a shattered self esteem. The reason is that they have grown up with parents who continually berate them and make them feel like they are worthless or something to be ashamed of. Of course, we do not discount the effect of such hurtful words, especially on young impressionable kids. But as you grow into an adult, you need to understand that this, even what your parents say about you, is just another erratic basis of your identity. Instead, you need to know that there will always be people who may not like you, but in the end, you are still who you are, and there will always be someone who loves you unconditionally.

3. Do you believe your social status, your financial worth, or your career has to do with how important you really are?

This is a sad, sad world we live in. We all strive to prove our worth by our bank accounts, the position we’ve climbed on the career ladder, or even the power we achieve in any position in any organization. But when you strip all those away, what are we? As such it is important to base your confidence not on things that pass away, but on your intrinsic worth, on the fact that you were created uniquely you, with potential to impact other people’s lives that nobody else can do in the exact same way.

The journey to getting your self confidence up and running may not be an overnight deal, but as you continue to change your mindset, one day at a time, one thought at a time, you will certainly notice a change beginning to take place. As you learn to value yourself the way you are meant to be valued, you can look dire circumstances in the face and say, “I don’t care what you throw at me, I am successful just as I am.”

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